In The Middle Of The Night

Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though it's night, on You I wait

It's been a long night, and I am weary
It's been a long time, and I am hungry

So I'll wait in the stillness again
I'll wait in the quiet again

For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

(From Misty Edwards' "I Am Yours")

I awoke to the sound of shuffling luggage and manipulation of the deadbolt on our front door. A quick glance at the clock in the dark -- 4:51 am -- and I realized my parents were packing the car and preparing to make the long, 11 hour trek back to Illinois, after a week long visit to oversee the construction of their retirement home here in Arkansas.

I quickly made my way into a pair of sweats and slippers to head to living room to say goodbye and offer blessing for travelling mercies. They were ready to go and typically sweet about their reciprocal goodbyes and blessings. In moments the door was closed, the van backed out of the driveway, and the headlights flashed across the lawn, in our eyes, and on to the still dark road ahead.

My wife shuffled back down the hallway and into the bedroom, mumbling that she was going back to bed. "Are you coming?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. In fact, I had only been partially present during the last 10 minutes of goodbyes. I was still reeling in the similitude of a vision dream. It was still there --before the eyes of my heart. Clear, crisp, haunting, present.

"Hey, Marcia," I whispered toward the bedroom. "I gotta write something down. I'll be there in a little bit."

I turned on the table lamp in the living room and took a seat on the long couch. My journal and Bible were there. I began to write what I saw...

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I found myself engaged in a time of prayer with a group of worshippers from Outreach Center. We were praying about the upcoming worship set, as though we were about to take the stage and start the service.

The setting, however, was not Outreach Center. Instead, we were in, for lack of a better term, an "art gallery," with beautiful paintings of the ministry of Jesus and spiritual warfare and the like. Although I don't remember specific paintings, it was of the artistic caliber of The MasterPeace Collection from DaySpring. Large format, with gallery lighting, a room longer than wide, like a hallway.

As we finished praying, I couldn't help but feel that I was getting married today. Curiously I looked around at my co-laborers and tried to figure out who was the lucky person. My wife Marcia was there. I acknowledged that I was already married to her...some 15 years at the time. There were couples there -- was I marrying one of them? Were one of them going to marry me?

Please understand...this was not a sexual thing. It was a relationship thing. It was a yearning and an anticipation and frankly absolutely right. We all seemed to acknowledge a wedding was about to happen and that we were all involved in this relationship thing with mutual joy, anticipation, confidence, and peace. We were in love.

Then the scene changed...

I was walking in a great arena/auditorium with a stage in the center and rows upon rows of seats radiating outward and upward from the circular center to an unseen (or undefined) periphery. Over the stage was a cluster of P.A. speakers, lights, trusses, cables, and rigging. There was a underlying musical sound streaming environmentally from the speakers. The lights were slowly undulating and intelligent vari-lites were almost imperceptibly sweeping the room. There was a slight haze, which gave subtle definition to the lights with out obscuring the scene. There was a pleasant fragrance in the room.

The people I had been with in the gallery were still there but no longer a prominent part of this scene. Instead there were others scattered throughout the auditorium, busy with some sort of preparation -- I sensed each was gifted to do what they were tasked with, although I couldn't tell what any of the specific jobs actually were. It appeared that everyone was committed to their assigned duties with a sense of calling and purpose.

It was at this point that I sensed another Presence nearby, walking with me, as I was taking the scene in. We were ascending the steps of one of the aisles, moving up and away from the stage. The Persona seemed to answer a question I hadn't asked, but rather felt. "They are all preparing for the Marriage Feast of the Lamb. Each one is precious. Each one is gifted to serve. All are becoming His Bride."

I suddenly became aware of a unity of purpose throughout the room. Tables had been placed throughout the room and covered with fresh, white linen tablecloths. Place settings of silver and gold were being arranged, along with flowers and candles and simple plates of unleavened bread and a chalice of wine.

We continued to move to the rear of the auditorium, past what appeared to be like booths in the lobby of a church, only they were covered with sheets, as though awaiting the time for the doors to open and the people to come in. I sensed that everything was being prepared in proper order, with purpose, design, and simplicity. I wanted to look under the sheets to see what was there -- books, CD's, information, etc. Yet, I knew it wasn't time.

My companion ushered me along the ever narrowing walkway to a simple set of double glass doors, with aluminum frames. They were typical doors, like you'd find in a well worn office lobby. Functional, clean and yet simple. There was no signage or indication of where this place was or what it was. I pushed the first doorway, into the vestibule and through the outside door into the night air.

I stood in a back alley, with brick walls, concrete and asphalt pavement, and the smell of a city. The pavement was wet, as though it had recently rained, and in the distance I could hear traffic. Over the doorway as a intermittent light, flickering and blinking. A garbage dumpster was a couple of steps away, with residue of previous loads of refuse coming and going from this receptacle. There was no signage or indication that these humble doors led to anything. In fact, as I looked back through the glass, I was struck with the fact that this could have been an abandoned office, a back entrance to a bowling alley, or some other nondescript building in the city.

I stood there, in the cold night air, and took it all in.

After a season of waiting, I discerned the Presence once again beside me, once again answering a question that hadn't been asked. "Those who are called to come to this place will find it. For near and far away they will come -- they know the way."

I wanted to ask about my role, what was I supposed to be doing, where did I fit in this whole picture. My friend answered without speaking. "You are one of many who will lead those who will come worshipping the King who has come and will come again. Prepare for His return, yearn for that day, prepare the Bride for the Marraige Feast of the Lamb."

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I have only shared this vision, dating from the Spring of 1996 or 1997, with a very few of my trusted friends and mentors. It has humbled me many times, especially when I begin to construct a ministry around my calling, and fall under the delusion that I have something special to offer. I have laid it down many times and ceased to share it at all until now.

I will share some my reasons for this change in my next post.

Selah

Teach Me To Pray

"Personally I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught."

- Sir Winston Churchill

I have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to live a life of learning. In fact, besides my 7 and half years of collegiate ramblings, I have attended a host of continuing educational experiences, enrolled in several correspondence courses, read books about my varied fields of interest and have feigned a few applications to graduate school. As a student of music, I took private lessons and master classes from "masters" of the art. As a husband and parent, I've been to marriage weekends and parenting conferences.

I love facts and historical tidbits and knowledge of something that someone else doesn't know. Part of that is the "magician" in me...Deeper knowledge that is supposed to be kept "secret."

Yet, when I get around someone who really knows their stuff and begin to face the reality of how far short I fall from the "mark" they have set, I usually shrink back. "Ahhh, shucks! I can't play my guitar that well. I'll just watch you!" It's not really a false humility or schnooze going on. I really feel like I haven't prevailed long enough to have earned the right to play with the "big boys."

Now to the subject at hand -- Prayer. Over the years I have learned a lot about the discipline of prayer. I've attended prayer meetings, prayer concerts, prayer & fastings, schools of prayer. I've read books on prayer, attended conferences on prayer, listened to podcasts on prayer. I have prayed in public, prayed in the spirit, prayed while worshipping, and even "fallen out" while being prayed for.

But when I move beyond all the knowledge, all the books, all the meetings, all the experiences, I still feel like I have a lot to learn. So more book? More conferences? More stuff? Is that how I can go deeper?

I have determined that, like the quotation from Sir Winston Churchill, I have shrunk back from being taught. I need to begin to embrace the process of being "taught" to pray. 25 years of learning aside, now is the time to engage The Master Teacher - Jesus and begin the process of discipleship under His tutelage.

There are several outcomes/expressions that are direct results of aligning with The Master.

First of all, I am spending more time in prayer. "DUH!" you say. Yes, the sublime simplicity of such a notion betrays the more salient truth behind the words of James 4 --

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God." (v. 1-2)

How much time do you spend in prayer? Before you answer, consider the question from this angle -- If prayer is as much about being before the Throne of Grace, being with our Master Teacher Jesus, as it is about asking Him for stuff, how much time do you spend in prayer?

I have determined that my life is more about increasing my time with God in prayer (in the context of the latter definition) than it is about prayer lists, prayer meetings, etc. Yes, I am more and more engaged in the IHOP movement, but I get no browny points for time spent in the prayer room. I have set my every breath aside to sing the praises of Jesus and to draw near to God in intercession.

James 4 continues:

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." (v. 3-10)

My second major outcome is that I have dedicated my ever-aging brain tissue to memorization of the entire book of Psalms -- All 150 Psalms. I've given myself 2007 to accomplish this daunting task. My purpose in keeping the theme of being taught to pray -- to help facilitate the utterance of spontaneous, continuous, God-breathed prayers from my heart to the heart of God. What better thing do than to pray and sing the Scriptures. From my innermost being.

Remember, when the disciples approached Jesus, they said, "Lord, teach us to pray," not "learn us something about prayer." So I simply say -- "Jesus, Teach me to pray."

Selah

He's Coming In The Clouds

“O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.” - Psalm 8:1 NIV

My heart is stirred to look to the heavens for the soon returning King. Over the course of so many years I have been arrogantly deferring any discussion of the return of Christ to two simple tenets:

1. His return is imminent
2. No man knows the day or the hour

I literally would walk out of discussions about "pre" or "post" tribulation rapture, millenial kingdom, and judgment seeat of Christ, because I didn't feel like arguing about them. My experience had told me that little fruit came from such discussions. We would agree to disagree and that was usually the result. When the end of the age finally came, we really wouldn't care who was right and who was wrong.

I still hold to those tenets, but now I'm once again pursuing the deeper fruit of being prepared and reading the signs of the times. I'm still not so sure that escathological arguments are efficacious (big word for meaningful, impacting, etc), but I recognize that I have to be better prepared to fulfill my role as a part of the Bride of Christ - The Church. Only when I begin to anticipate His return AND prepare myself for that day, will I begin to fulfill my destiny as a worshipping heart.

In coming posts, I will share several dream/visions I have had, a mission statement for Worshipping Heart Ministries, and a plea for support in this endeavor. Please pray for me, my family, and the outworking of this "new thing" that the Spirit of Jesus is doing.

Selah.

Knowing the Difference

Photo credit: Jordan Smith

It's been an interesting holiday season and it was all capped off with a journey to KC and the IHOP OneThing Conference. I spent the days with my son Timothy and had the privilege of stepping into the presence of King Jesus with some 13,000 plus people, all bent on the pursuit of God.

WOW! Over the years, I've been to my share of Christian gatherings...Urbana, Moody Founder's Week, Cell Church Training at Bethany World Prayer Center, Meetings at the Toronto Vineyard, and a ton of worship conferences with the Vineyard Movement. But there was something unique about the spirit of this time together. Maybe it was less about people and more about the manifest presence of Jesus. Maybe it was just that my heart was really ready for this message and call. Maybe I'm beginning to really know the difference between what is truly Spirit and merely flesh.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:10-14

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!